woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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