imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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