um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
