There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
