my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
