I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
