he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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