I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
