how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
