Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
