quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
