Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
