Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
