Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
