And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
