i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
