New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
