You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
