guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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