We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
