I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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