I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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