one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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