Do you still have your period?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
