he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
