What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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