My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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