You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
