I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
