so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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