Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
