To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
