i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
