my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
