Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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