i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
