the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my shit smells like andre
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
