i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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