It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
