How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
