I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
