Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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