I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
