the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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