im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
