I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
