Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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