apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
