His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
