You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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